This blog post is all about funny dad jokes.
There will always be a special place in our hearts for dad jokes. They remind you of how dads make life so much easier. Like when they drop you off at the airport 9 hours before your flight. Or randomly reminds you to check your oil.
Kidding aside dads are useful, they taught us how to make a steak and how to ride our bikes. And we’ve all seen those videos of dad saving their toddlers, just before they fall off the couch or get hurt. So we would like to celebrate dads by giving you some of the best dad jokes out there.
What are dad jokes?
Dad jokes are those corny, awful, awkward, and unnecessary jokes a dad makes that get people to laugh for all the wrong reasons. They are light-hearted jokes for kids that will make you chuckle at how bad the joke really is.
Picture this scenario. You are at an event with your dad and he starts talking to people and then he gets into telling jokes. If the people on the other side of the joke look a little confused and then awkwardly starts laughing, then that is the dad joke experience in a nutshell.
Here are some of the best dad jokes ever! Be sure to use these in some father’s day cards or captions. We hope you get a few laughs while reading this.
Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny
Sometimes the funniest thing about a dad joke is how dad laughs at the end. So by funny, we mean dad’s laugh will actually be the funniest part of the joke.
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What do you call a cute door? A-Door-Able
How does Kanye West like his eggs? Over Yeezy.
What do you call a magician without magic? Ian.
I sneezed on my toast. I can’t believe it snot butter.
What do you call a hilarious group of cows? A laughing stock.
What do you call a body without a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call an American bee? A USB.
How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots.
Why doesn’t James bond fart in the bed? Because it would blow his cover.
Did you hear about the mind control air freshener? It makes scents when you think about it.
Did you hear about the guy who invented Knock-Knock jokes? He won a no bell prize.
What is the only animal that requires batteries? A mechanical bull.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
I had 4 cans of alphabet soup. Then I think I had the biggest vowel movent ever.
How much did the pirate pay for his earrings? A buccaneer.
What do sprinters eat before the race? Nothing, they fast.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.
Why did the old man fall into the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
What do you call it when two chips fall in love? A relation-dip.
Why did the smartphone need glasses? Because it lost all of its contacts.
What do you call a marathon for pastors? Rev Run.
I wonder what my parents did to fight being bored before the internet. I asked my 18 brothers and sisters, they didn’t know either.
What is brown and sticky? A stick.
What always begins with W and ends with t? What? Correct.
What kind of doctor is Doctor Pepper? A Fizzician.
Why does Waldo wear stripes? So he isn’t spotted.
What did the baby vampire call the father vampire? Dad-Cula
I was flying in a plane with my pilot friend. I asked him, “where’d you go to flight school?” He replied, “Flight school? I just took a crash course.”
Best Corny Dad Jokes
My friend Jack claims he can communicate with animals. Jack and the beans talk.
I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go!
Why is diarrhea hereditary? Because it runs in your jeans.
What presidents were the greenest? The Bushes.
How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
What do you call a penny under the microscope? Magnificent.
What do you call an exploding monkey? A BaBOOM
I always knock on the refrigerator before I open it. Just in case there’s a salad dressing.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because it uses a honeycomb.
WHat do you call a fish wearing a bow tie? So fishticated
Can February March? A: No, but April May.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Why was the mushroom invited to the part? Because he was a FUN(Gi).
When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
My son watched someone do 50 push-ups. He asked me if I can do that. I said “Of course! I could watch someone do 100 push-ups!”
One-Line Dad Jokes
How do you make a cowgirl fall in love? A tractor.
What does a house where? Address.
How do trees access the internet? They log on.
What is the best day to cook? Fry day
Where does Sylvester Stalone love to hike? The Rocky Mountains.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? Carrot.
My friend has 2 Dobermans named Timex and Rolex. Watchdogs.
John Travolta tested negative for Coronavirus. Turns out it was Saturday Night Fever.
What do you call a cow on the floor? Ground beef.
How much money does a skunk have? One Scent
My wife wanted to do something expensive, we got gas.
My boss asked me “Why aren’t you working?” I said, “Because I didn’t see you coming.”
What do you call a lost wolf? A where wolf.
What smells better than it tastes? A nose.
I told my wife she needs to start embracing her mistakes. So she hugged me.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater? Because Pepper water makes them sneeze.
How do you get rid of demons? Exorcize a lot.
What animal needs to wear a wig? A bald eagle.
Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.
How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood? By its bark.
What did the Janotor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
What did baby corn say to momma corn? Where’s popcorn?
What do you call a belt with a clock on it? A waist of time.
Dad Joke Puns
Better practice what you preach or you will be a Hippo crate.
Always study for your test because you don’t want to be a cheetah.
I grilled the chicken for 2 hours and it still didn’t tell me why it crossed the road.
I once got fired from a canned juice factory because I couldn’t concentrate.
My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard to hear.
Now that winter is gone, I have spring rolls.
Someone tried to sell me a coffin today. I said that’s the last thing I need.
It takes guts to make sausage.
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
How does a moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.
Why is dark spelled with a “K” and not a “C?” Because you can’t see in the dark.
Why did the momma clam have to teach her children? Because they were being selfish.
Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.
I recently got caught up in a heist at an Apple Store. I guess you can call me an iWitness.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
I have a horse named Mayo. Sometimes Mayo Neighs.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What did the policeman say to his belly button? You’re under a vest!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Just got back from the ravioli convention. Boyaredees arms tired.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
I only know 25 letters in the alphabet. I don’t know y
Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter instead.
If the Pope were to bless an avocado, would that make it holy guacamole?
RELATED: 113+26 Dirty Funny Names That Are Very Inappropriate
This blog post was all about dad jokes.